The Journal of Predetermined Conclusions
We Told You So: Vaccines Cause Autism And So Many Other Really Bad Things
Authors: David Geier, Brian Hooker, Ph.D., Del BigTree, Callie Means, Sherri Tenpenny, D.O., Suzanne Humphries, M.D. Bob Sears M.D, Larry Pavelsky M.D., Kelly Brogan M.D., Stella Immanuel M.D, Simone Gold M.D, Pierre Kory M.D, Peter Doshi MPH, Joseph Fraiman M.D. Joseph Ladapo M.D., Joseph Marine M.D., Martin Kulldorff M.D. Allison Krug MPH, Tracy Beth Hoeg, M.D., Joe Mercola D.O. Jay Bhattacharya, M.D., Christiane Northrup, M.D. and Vinay Prasad M.D, MPH, for the WTYS-I Investigators
Published November 16, 2025 J Pre Con 2025;392:1155-1167 DOI: 10.1056/JPVoa2412006 VOL. 382 NO. 12 Copyright © 2026
Background
Despite Saint Wakefield’s definitive study and incontrovertible testimony from parents who have done their research on vaccines, the myth that the MMR doesn’t cause autism persists.
Methods
The Vaccine Safety Datalink (VSD) is a collaborative project between CDC’s Immunization Safety Office and healthcare organizations across the United States. To prove that vaccines cause autism (duh!), a self-controlled risk interval design was used to determine the relative risk of each outcome in a risk window after vaccination compared to unvaccinated controls, whose parents clearly love them more. We included children (aged 1–4 years) who received ≥ 1 dose of MMR from January 1, 2010–December 31, 2021. Pre-specified outcomes were identified by diagnosis codes and our intuition.
Clinically serious outcomes evaluated include scrumpox, mortification, the shakes, witchpox, bloody flux, greyscale, monkey fluxpox, dropsy of the brain, bad blood, consumption, black worm fever, chalkstones, blackwater fever, cramp colic, crotch rot, flux of humour, grocer’s itch, kuru, grandular fever, the horrors, King’s evil, lockjaw, milk leg, quinsy, scrofula, the shakes, softening of the brain, lumpism, swamp sickness, jake leg, worm fit, white swelling, winterthistle fever, wandering womb fever, jail fever, Dum-Dum fever, dipsomania, drapetomania, the staggers, the vapours, and autism. All serious outcomes underwent independent medical record review by investigators who were fair and unbiased. You can totally trust us.
Results
During the study period, 963,327 MMR doses were administered to sweet, innocent children who will never be the same. Mean age of vaccinees was 1.8 years; 55.8 % were female; 12.2 % of doses were administered simultaneously with ≥ 1 other horrible vaccine. Serious outcomes occurred with an incidence ≥ 563,000 per 100,000 doses for each outcome assessed. Outcomes that were significantly more common in the vaccinated cohort included flux of humour, bloody flux, the vapours, crotch run, grocer’s itch, grandular fever, the horrors, King’s evil, lockjaw, milk leg, quinsy, scrofula, the shakes, softening of the brain, and autism. Some variability was observed by sex and age group.
Autism was more significantly common in vaccinated boys named Billy with brown eyes born on a Tuesday in Duluth, Minnesota compared to unvaccinated girls names Crystal-Lee with hazel eyes born on a Wednesday in Mobile, Alabama (63.0% vs. 24.2%; relative rate, 1.37; 95% confidence interval, 1.04 to 1.81; P=0.03). This wasn’t something we found by slicing up the data in every way imaginable. Unvaccinated children with natural immunity were obviously happier and healthier. You could tell which kids had been vaccinated just by looking in their cold, dull eyes.
Conclusion
Serious outcomes after MMR vaccination were super common. Vaccines cause autism and many other horrible things. We totally told you so, and only Pharma $hills would disagree. No further research is needed. Subscribe to our monetized social media content, buy our supplements, and send all your money to Children’s Health Defense.
